My daughter's wedding is next Saturday and stress has been building over the last few weeks. Everyone wants everything to be perfect, yet we all know perfection does not exist and is only an illusion. The wedding will be nice and we all will have a good time and great memories of that day...but perfect it will not be, no matter who does what or what we do! Having come to that realization means that I am much more relaxed about the whole affair and don't feel the pressure to create a dream come true. It will be what it is and I think everyone will like it.
I think arting really helps me keep life in perspective and recently I have been watching Effy Wild's vlogs on YouTube and many things she talks about really resonate deep within me. I have been on a 30 year (so far) journey of self-realization. I strongly believe that we have no choices about the family we are born into, but we have tons of choices available in our interactions with family, how our past relationships and experiences influence us, and how we shape our futures. For example, I know that a lot of my initial reactions to an occurence, event, issue have to do with prior experience whether negative or positive. The important part for me is to recognize this, reflect on it and then make a conscious decision reflective of who I have become and who I want to become, instead of letting my past dictate my choices now.
Sometimes, that is easier said than done, sometimes I miss the connection completely until months or years later, but I am continuing to make an effort to see those connections and not just act on impulse. Sometimes something I experience will trigger an emotional response which seems out of proportion or exaggerated or even inappropriate, yet I have found, after I start to dig and try to figure out what made me react that way, that often the origin of my reaction is in my past, mostly in my childhood and adolescence and that there were still unresolved issues I struggle with.
Having made that observation, I find that art journaling often helps me or is cathartic when I struggle with an issue from the past. Often I find that through the process of art journaling I can explore issues in a safe (to me) way and really get to the nittygritty. After I explore an issue I can then go on and resolve the issue so I feel okay with it and my reaction is not determined by someone else in my past, but by the woman I am in the here and now, with as Effy puts it so aptly "all the warts, bumps and scratches." Thank you Effy for just being you and vocalizing some of the things that I experince as an inner truth as well.